


i just like you so much

by cherrychoke



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, Mentions of Past Homophobic Experience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22255582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrychoke/pseuds/cherrychoke
Summary: seungwan writes poems to resemble her torn heart.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Comments: 9
Kudos: 29





	i just like you so much

They’re getting weird looks, but Joohyun doesn’t let her hand go. Seungwan is glad about it, she clings onto Joohyun’s hand more for comfort, her heart flutters when she thinks of how warm Joohyun’s hand is against her cold one.

Joohyun snuggles closer, when the temperature clearly drops when they step outside the college building. There are less stares now, because they mix into the crowd. There are so many people around, not just their classmates, but also strangers who don’t know either of them.

The rumours going around the college are true. Seungwan is dating Joohyun, another woman. They do makeout in their dorms, when they think everyone is sleeping, they did have sex once. Everyone is trying to see if it’s true, if any of their behaviours is anything other than platonic.

People look at them weird now, look at her weird. They stare at her, whisper to each other, ‘she doesn’t look like a lesbian.’

Seungwan sometimes wants to laugh, show them her collection of lesbian books, and a single lesbian erotica she used to read before Joohyun. Sometimes, she wants to crouch in a corner, or become a rock, do anything to get away from their eyes.

She grips Joohyun’s hand tighter. She nervously glances around, and finds a couple of eyes on them. A line from the poetry book she read comes to her mind: _We did nothing but hold hands / and the world became cruel / we were nothing but wrong / and that made us feel right._

She also thinks of another line for her on-going collection of poems.

 _I like her so much / I think / I want to be everything nice / just in her eyes_.

The line makes Seungwan’s heart ache, throb with want. She wants to lean in a kiss Joohyun on her beautiful lips, coated with a thin layer of flavoured lip gloss. She wants to taste Joohyun on her tongue, thrust her tongue into Joohyun, while she is between her pretty, soft, juicy legs. 

She wants to do so many things with Joohyun, to Joohyun, but a certain, unnamed guilt pierces Seungwan’s sternum, tears her heart apart.

“It’s all right,” Joohyun tells her, squeezing Seungwan’s hand. “It’ll be okay, baby.”

Seungwan loosens her grip on Joohyun’s hand, realizing now that she’s been hurting Joohyun with her death-grip. She breathes out, watches her misty breath float away with the wind. “I hope so.”

Joohyun stops walking, she makes Seungwan turn to her completely, and keeps her hands on Seungwan’s shoulders. She beams, a bright smile which is so contagious, Seungwan is sure some people behind them giggled at the sight of Joohyun’s smile.

“I like you so much, Seungwan-ah,” Joohyun sighs. The cloud coming out of her mouth is just as pretty as her. “I like you, and you like me. That’s it. Don’t look back at the past — it’s awful that you experienced homophobia, but let me tell you, if I kissed you right now, nobody would bat an eye at us.”

 _How I can not fall in love_ , Seungwan thinks, _How can I resist loving her?_

The thought is pleasant and fear-inducing simultaneously. She nervously looks around and it hits her like a train — nobody is looking at them, they’re minding their own business, and whoever actually looks at them, gives her a bright smile, and winks at her.

It feels like she got transferred directly into heaven. 

Seungwan feels bad now, for making Joohyun tone down the PDA, because it makes her oblivious self scared. “I’m sorry—” 

“Baby, no,” Joohyun leans closer, her lips a couple of inches away from Seungwan’s. She stops there, knows it might give Seungwan an anxiety attack if she kisses her in public. “It’s a valid feeling. I’m not telling you that— well, anything, frankly. I just, wanted you to know.”

“I’m a little weird,” Seungwan mutters, a subconscious pout on her lips as she looks at Joohyun, worried. “We’re a little weird, aren’t we?”

“No,” Joohyun says, voice stern. “I want you to remember this, Seungwan: romance between two women isn’t weird. It’s normal. It’s natural. You know what’s weird? Reptiles. They’re all sticky. Why are they all sticky?”

Seungwan feels her eyes sting with tears. She covers her mouth, chokes on a sob, and blinks the tears away. She replays Joohyun’s reptile comment in her head. “I know, now,” she whispers, rests her forehead on Joohyun’s shoulder, a smile on her lips. “Thank you, Joohyun.”

Joohyun cups her cheeks, chuckles. “Anytime, sweetheart.”

**Author's Note:**

> (gently cries into a pillow) it's inspired by rv's psycho~ i don't know if you can tell, but it's mostly yeri's "i like you so much", joy's "don't look back, like that", seulgi's "how can i handle you?" and wendy's "we're in a very weird and strange relationship" and it's JUST those lines, and how they sang it TT it's like, a relationship with loads of internalized homophobia but with a lot of fighting against said internalized homophobia ! my strong girls, i hope they can fight it away quickly! and be happy TT
> 
> i hope you liked it!! please let me know if you did!! <3
> 
> (my [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/royalkjmyeon) and [curiouscat,](https://curiouscat.me/cherrykims) if you'd like to talk~)


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